Pain became a part of me. Along with it came a heavy downpour of period blood. Stained cloths, stained seats, stained sheets – I left blood everywhere I went… I knew the fibroids had grown; I would lie on my back and touch one of them bulging right through…
Their plan was to be childless, it seemed they had talked about it before they got married and they were both cool with it. One day, while they were watching a football game, he told her he wanted children…….. Some weeks before, while I was stuck in bed recovering from a major surgery (I am going to write about this in my next post), I had presented my list of ‘whys’ to God, I was not praying about them, I was just asking “WHY?”
In 2004, I started a monthly email series to my friends, their friends and basically every woman who had an email address I could grab and add to my mailing list.
After I wrote the first one, I read it over and over and I still wasn’t confident it was good enough. So, I sent it to my friend, Akin, to help me have a look at it and give me a feedback.
When we had a chat on yahoo messenger, he said my piece was good, but he was concerned about my closing remark. Below my email I had put something along this line “Please, note that this is not a feminist initiative.” It was written in bold red letters.
“Why did you write that?” he asked. I said, “Because I didn’t want people to think this is a feminist thing.”
He didn’t think there was anything wrong in being a feminist, so he struggled to see my point. He later sent me some links to some articles on feminism and told me I needed to understand what feminism is all about.
It didn’t take me too long to figure out what he meant –
For the most part of my teenage and early twenties, I was a very conservative Christian, who was made to believe in the ideal life a woman must live, and if a woman’s life does not follow that pattern it means ‘her own has finished!’
Women who didn’t get married ‘on time’, women who got pregnant before marriage, women who left their husbands, women who are outspoken and dared to challenge the norms, women who married but have no children etc – were looked at like they have defects.
By the time I reached my late twenties…..
April 1, 2015 I shouldn’t be in here tonight, I should be out there having fun and being grateful for all the many blessings life has given me in the past one year, but like every other birthdays, I like my nights quiet. Tonight I take a pause from my successes; I am counting my many tears and listening to my fears. All my fears.
January 1, 2015 One of my favorite things in 2014 is Nashville, an American musical drama TV series. I find the complex relationship between Rayna Jaymes and Deacon Claybourne very titillating – the romantic attraction that pulls them together and the many complications that push them apart. All at the same time.