When you deliberately do things to hurt other people, you are also hurting yourself. With every mean word and action you put out there, you strip yourself of inner peace and positive energy.
I have spent most of my life trying so hard to meet these expectations but I have not been successful at all of them. I am now more accepting of the fact that my life is moving and flourishing at its own destined pace. Here are some short, straight and sweet lessons I have learned along the way!
For this post I am going to focus on one of the major depression triggers in Nigeria, which is – difficult life circumstances. If you live in Nigeria, you should not be surprised that many people are at the risk of depression due to continuing life difficulties – unemployment, injustice, insecurity, abuse, poverty, poor support, inability to meet social/cultural/religious expectations etc.
My mother passed on 17 months ago aged 63 years. One day I am going to write about her life and her death, but not today. Today, I write about the overwhelming pain of loss I felt and still feel. Today, I write about this thing called grief.
We all expect to have reached some milestones by certain ages – have educational qualifications, build a career, get married, have children, start a business, own properties, make loads of money, follow passions etc. Like many people, I have spent my twenties and thirties chasing these things. Some I have achieved, others I have not achieved yet.
I told them I will encourage you and tell you not to give up, that good things will come your way too. But, they said they have already told you that and you don’t want to hear it. So I thought, I should tell you something else then, some brutal truths about life that you probably have not been prepared for;
I understand these things they say, and I know they mean well. Yes, I have “moved on”, I am going about my normal activities and pursuing my goals for the future, but after all is said and done, the pain is still there. One minute I feel like I am over it, but then the next minute I am sobbing, and shaking and struggling to breathe. Sometimes I push it away all day, but then it comes rushing back at the dead of the night.
No matter how hard I work and pray, there are some things that will never be, or may not be how and when I want them… but I know that peace is always available even in the toughest of times, if I choose to be still, I will find it…
Of the ones who slayed and the ones who got slain, of the ones who walk through life heads up and the ones who crawl with fingers fastened on the patched hard soil, of the ones who started early and bloomed early, and the ones who started early but bloomed late, of the ones living their dreams and the ones who will never get the happiness they truly deserve.
For a long time what he said about these couples influenced my perception of them, until two things happened. I heard what he was saying about my marriage behind me too and he got everything all wrong, more like he turned the whole story on its head! I also got closer to some of these couples and realized that things are not exactly as he had painted.