She realized how ignorant she has been, she has spent years writing about and critiquing this marriage when she had no idea of what was really going on.
I feared their love wasn’t genuine, I feared they would hurt me, I feared so many things. But like Jaguar Paw’s Father, someone told me to strike fear out of my heart and embrace my new friendship.
It is hard to accept this because we are used to judging everyone on how many they have without considering how many they have been given.
We are grateful to be alive and in good health, but as much as we want to have a positive attitude going into next year, a part of us is still afraid of what it may hold. After all, we had high hopes for 2020 too!
If you could see the future, you probably would have done some things differently, but you didn’t know the future. If you had the power to go back and change things, you will, but you don’t have that power!
When tragedies happen, we are always so quick to remember that life is short and we need to live a more intentional life. But when the shock effect of that tragedy is over, we return to the status quo and forget what we learned during the hard times about the fragility of life.
We may look alright on the outside, but our souls have been wounded with so many bad news, fear and anxiety, sudden disruptions to our plans and routines, uncertainty about what will happen next etc.
The first five months of 2020 have come with more low moments than highs for many people. The world is presently filled with so much uncertainty and fear because of the pandemic and its effects on our lives and livelihood.
If you look closely at your life, you will see that there have been many times like these that you received special assistance or guidance beyond your efforts and knowledge. They were not based on how good you are, or how much sacrifice you have made, they were unearned favour given to you freely, sometimes before you even asked.
Month after month, you hoped for a breakthrough. You were sad, you were afraid, you were frustrated, you were confused. You wondered if you will ever rise from the rubbles of your shattered dreams. You wondered if you will ever make it out of this dark night of your soul. I am here to tell you this ….
Since she passed away two years ago, I have wondered how much of her life experiences she never talked about. Sometimes I feel like asking her a question but I can’t, she is gone.
When you deliberately do things to hurt other people, you are also hurting yourself. With every mean word and action you put out there, you strip yourself of inner peace and positive energy.
I am now more accepting of the fact that my life is moving and flourishing at its own destined pace. Here are some short, straight and sweet lessons I have learned along the way!
If you live in Nigeria, you should not be surprised that many people are at the risk of depression due to continuing life difficulties – unemployment, injustice, insecurity, abuse, poverty, poor support, inability to meet social/cultural/religious expectations etc.
One day I am going to write about her life and her death, but not today. Today, I write about the overwhelming pain of loss I felt and still feel. Today, I write about this thing called grief.