There Is No Article, No Book That Can Explain The Complexities Of This Marriage

I used to have some friends who were obsessed with other people’s marriages. For every couple they know, they had a theory about their marriage.

For Couple A, they are not in love, just in love with each other’s money. For Couple B, the wife is a leech, the husband doesn’t like it but he pretends it’s not a big deal. For Couple C, the man systematically slows down the wife’s career so that he will be her all-in-all, and for Couple D, they seem like best friends but they are not, they are both control freaks.

For a long time what they said about these couples influenced my perception of them, until two things happened. I heard what they were saying about my marriage behind me too and they got everything all wrong, more like they turned the whole story on its head! I also got closer to some of these couples and realized that things are not exactly as he had painted.

Marriages are complex, and no matter how much we think we know about what is happening in other people’s marriages, the truth is unless it is ours we may be 100% wrong. You can even live with a couple and still be totally wrong about “what” you think is going on their marriage, who does ”what”, how ”what” is done, why ”what” is done and how their ”what” is different from other couple’s ”whats”.

In a 2012 TV mini-series titled Political Animals, Susan Berg (Carla Gugino) devoted her entire career to covering, analyzing and criticizing Elaine Barrish’s (Sigourney Weaver) marriage; she even won a Pulitzer on her piece about Elaine’s husband’s adultery! As a former first lady and now secretary of state, Elaine Barrish was expected to have a certain kind of marriage and when it didn’t look like it on the outside; she received serious bashing from journalists such as Susan Berg.

When she eventually got really close to Elaine and her family, Susan Berg discovered how ignorant she has been, spending years writing and critiquing something she didn’t have a full knowledge of.

When she finally got the opportunity to interview Elaine Barrish face to face, she asked her many questions about her marriage and one of Elaine’s answers was; “there is no article, no book that can explain the complexities of a single marriage”

It is one of the greatest thing I have heard about marriage.

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My name is Shola Okubote. To read more about me go to

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Photo by Prince Akachi on Unsplash

August 27, 2019

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Shola Okubote

My name is Shola Okubote, I am the Founder of You can reach me on Twitter – @sholaokubote, and Instagram – sholaokubote

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