Month after month, you hoped for a breakthrough. You were sad, you were afraid, you were frustrated, you were confused. You wondered if you will ever rise from the rubbles of your shattered dreams. You wondered if you will ever make it out of this dark night of your soul. I am here to tell you this ….
You will find yourself in a complex emotional roller coaster that will change your life forever – one minute you are in shock, the next minute you are oscillating between anger, sadness, helplessness, confusion, fear and sometimes even guilt. Through it all, you will need to find the strength to do what is right for your parent.
Since she passed away two years ago, I have wondered how much of her life experiences she never talked about. Sometimes I feel like asking her a question but I can’t, she is gone.
When you deliberately do things to hurt other people, you are also hurting yourself. With every mean word and action you put out there, you strip yourself of inner peace and positive energy.
I am now more accepting of the fact that my life is moving and flourishing at its own destined pace. Here are some short, straight and sweet lessons I have learned along the way!
If you live in Nigeria, you should not be surprised that many people are at the risk of depression due to continuing life difficulties – unemployment, injustice, insecurity, abuse, poverty, poor support, inability to meet social/cultural/religious expectations etc.
One day I am going to write about her life and her death, but not today. Today, I write about the overwhelming pain of loss I felt and still feel. Today, I write about this thing called grief.
I don’t have so much time left till 40, so I am just going to keep it simple and realistic. It will be all about slowing down to enjoy the moment and challenging myself to do new fun things.
I told them I will encourage you and tell you not to give up, that good things will come your way too. But, they said they have already told you that and you don’t want to hear it. So I thought, I should tell you something else then, some brutal truths about life that you probably have not been prepared for;
It is a divine assignment given to you so you can bring some light and healing to the world. It is God’s gift to the world sent through you; your job is to deliver it.
They are not complacent, they not irresponsible, they are not folding their arms waiting for something to happen, but things just aren’t adding up for them yet. They are so weary and tired of not having enough to meet their needs, and not being able to achieve their bigger dreams.
One minute I feel like I am over it, but then the next minute I am sobbing, and shaking and struggling to breathe. Sometimes I push it away all day, but then it comes rushing back at the dead of the night.
No matter how hard I work and pray, there are some things that will never be, or may not be how and when I want them… but I know that peace is always available even in the toughest of times, if I choose to be still, I will find it…
Of the ones who slayed and the ones who got slain, of the ones who walk through life heads up and the ones who crawl with fingers fastened on the patched hard soil, of the ones who started early and bloomed early, and the ones who started early but bloomed late, of the ones living their dreams and the ones who will never get the happiness they truly deserve.
Pain became a part of me. Along with it came a heavy downpour of period blood. Stained cloths, stained seats, stained sheets – I left blood everywhere I went… I knew the fibroids had grown; I would lie on my back and touch one of them bulging right through…